A lot of people ask me what my name means. I use it for pretty much everything I have an account for, so it only makes sense to have people questioning the truth behind it. My parents divorced back when I was only 15 years old. I was completely unprepared for this sort of situation and the next five years proved to show it. Everything I once knew had disappeared before my very eyes. My family. My home. My life. I didn’t know how to handle myself and so I spent most of my time locked away in my bedroom without a friend in the world. During that time alone I began listening to emotional music, which is when I discovered Eminem. He opened me up to a whole new world of pain and suffering, and I finally felt like there was somebody out there who could understand me. Sing for the Moment was my immediate favorite track, due to the fact that it almost perfectly described me and my backstory. That is when I came up with the phrase Rap for the Moment, which I then turned into my alias RFTM, or Rapforthemoment. That song still carries me through the hard times to this very day. Without the help of Eminem, I know myself and a million others like me never would have survived the night.
Yo I got a story about this guy I used to know. When he was just a little kid in kindergarten maybe three or four. His parents were the best and yet his life was even better. Getting letters from the girls that he was cute, a real go and get her. Having all the friends and all the style, he was looking cool. That’s up until the time he entered middle school. Was such a fool to think that it could last forever. Somewhere down the line he had to know that there would be displeasure. Had to try and pull together all the thought and every dream that didn’t seem to work it out or find a way to come about, no matter the amount of effort put into the failed route.
But anyways there were some days where everything would seem okay but that would never last because what’s different from the past was that his parents went to fighting once a month to every week to every day which wasn’t normal. Talking physical and oral, things were getting out of hand, cause what had happened he don’t understand. The life he knew was good as damned. So moving on a couple years, the world he knew just wasn’t there like happiness had faded and the pain inside he couldn’t bare. Instead of staying local, soon his momma had to say that “I am sending you to private school that’s 30 miles away.” And you can bet he didn’t like it since it didn’t make any sense but then he tried to make the most of it and soon he really loved it cause he started getting smiles and he even found a girl so it was like his life was coming back and found its way through this attack.
But guess again cause April 6th was just the day that he had feared. His father woke him up and then his sister and his brother and he looked them in the eyes and said “Your parents love have run its course. I must divorce your mother.” Let me tell you, it was devastating. Never have there been so many tears before and such distress inside a room because not only did this mean his life was over, also that his family was no longer so it’s straight to the depression and the sorrow.Swore it felt like no tomorrow and it took about a month before his mother couldn’t take it. Packed her bags and moved away and took him with her. From New Jersey to the South, I swear it was the total opposite. The people changed, he no friends. Not even one. Enough of this. He lost his mind and went insane. He took his pain out on himself with cutting wrists and tearing pics he packed away up on a shelf of memories he used to have with girls and guys and so much more but that was way back then before.
He grew self conscious of his looks, with acne marks and ragged clothes. He hid his face behind his hands and didn’t talk or understand this crazy life that he was in. There were times where he would fight his mom from 9 to 12 at night. He even hit her once or twice but smashing plates and punching walls was more his thing. He had the balls to take a stand but deep inside he was so scared of her and what she had become. Must be because her husband had so much resembled her very son. He turned his music up so loud, he vibes from lyrics from the sound of dreary songs by Eminem. The ones that most relate to him like When I’m Gone, Sing for the Moment, Beautiful, and Space Bound cause Slim Shady was his only hope. Nobody else would listen cause he was just a kid and he’s stupid. Don’t even know what true love is.
So they sent him to a counselor and a mentor and a shrink so they could get inside his head to see exactly what he thinks when he’s alone all by himself. It never worked, it made it worse cause now he felt like he had problems. No one cared or showed him sympathy. Was lonely as could ever be. Lost the will to stay alive, a broken heart so many times from girls he trusted all his life and fighting every day and night. So one night while he lied in bed, he wiped his tears, got up and said “This life is just not meant to be.” He took some pen and paper, wrote a letter to his family, to his school and to his exes. Everybody he detected had a part in his own suicide. He tore them up and then he cried. He knew he wasn’t brave enough to kill himself. Afraid of death, don’t be ashamed, we don’t blame you Jeff.